David DeAngelo by Attraction Isn't A Choice

Author:Attraction Isn't A Choice [Choice, Attraction Isn't A]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2004-10-28T22:27:38+00:00

Chapter 5: Building Attraction

The “alpha-male” is the kind of man women are instinctively attracted to because he embodies the traits they look for in a man. To learn how to create this kind of attraction, we first need to learn more about social proof and how people figure out their values.

Social Proof

Back in our cave-dwelling days, it paid to wait for someone else to try something first, e.g. eat a new plant, so that we wouldn’t be the one who got hurt if it was a bad idea. Once we were even doing something, we still looked for the approval from others to confirm that we were right.

Now we come pre-programmed to look to other people to see if what we are doing is right. We look for others’ approval, and if we don't get it from them, we automatically think that we’re wrong in a lot of cases.

If a guy goes up to a girl and starts talking and it seems like she disapproves, or it looks like her friends or his friends might disapprove, the guy will allow these thoughts to slow him down. Once you can realize that this reaction is just a natural process you can overcome, you can free yourself up to do something different and stick with a theory that works.

So remember… other people are constantly watching you for cues on how to behave. Think about a coach’s enthusiasm for his team, and the way people feel when they are around a strong leader. Emotions are contagious, and women will feed off of your emotional state when you approach them and when you’re out together. Lead the way with a calm and comfortable emotional state, and people will be naturally relaxed and at ease around you.

The Value of Social Proof

Our sense of self-worth, our self-esteem, is important… but it’s abstract.

It’s not quantifiable. You can’t touch it.

If “abstract values” like self-esteem are just arbitrarily agreed on by groups of people, then how is this sense of our own value determined?

Because most people never realize that abstract societal values are arbitrary, they spend their whole lives following everyone else’s opinion of them and what they should do.

„2004 All Rights Reserved. - Attraction Isn’t A Choice - By David DeAngelo

::: 107 :::

It’s kind of a bummer.

The average person has a lot of self-doubt. Because they’re not confident of themselves, they want a lot of approval from other people. We often decide what we want from subtle cues we picked up from others, and there are a lot of specific wants that get built out of this basic want for approval.

Status-based wants, like brand name clothes, flashy cars, etc. are wants people have because they want the approval that comes with having what others agree is valuable.

Most of these wants for approval are still justified by appeals to the physical basics: it rides faster and smoother or has better speakers, etc.

Some of these factors may genuinely count, but SOCIAL APPROVAL IS A HUGELY IMPORTANT FACTOR IN WHAT WE WANT.

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